Global Domination

GD's verdicts - Best of 2009

31/12/09  ||  Global Domination

On this day, the very last one of the year, we bring you another one of our respected Best Of lists. Here are all the answers you’ll ever need when it comes to the most superior albums launched upon mankind in 2009. Let’s get down to business, bitches.

1. Vomitory: Carnage euphoria

Lord K. Philipson (In Fucken Charge):

This year’s not been overly fantastic when it comes to superb albums being released, but fucken lucky for us a few of the finest managed to squirt out a new recording. It wasn’t very hard to choose 2009’s winner; Vomitory’s “Carnage Euphoria” is a monstrous death metal effort that pisses on everything else put out this year when it comes to metal in general and death metal in particular. Furious blasts, insane energy, memorable tunes and catchy riffs mixed up with Vomitory’s trademark d-beats, well-oiled groove and an ace production makes for a killer album and 2009’s winner, without a doubt. The world’s most underrated band did it again. I take a bow and hope for another 20 years of death metal coming from the Vomi-camp. The world deserves it, but most of all – I fucken need it.

2: Xerath: I

Metal from the UK… As said before, you know that’s usually not a good sign if we aren’t talking about Bolt Thrower or Acid Reign. Xerath’s changed that a little with their debut album “I”. This is quite possibly the most impressive release out of that country in many, many years. With “impressive” I mean it’s been a long time since we actually heard anything this competent, fresh, innovative and thought-through from a Brit band. Or actually from any band. Xerath’s a fucken excellent example of what you can accomplish with some determination and originality, and since I know you missed out on this album I am now telling you to go and fucken check it out. I expect massive recognition with the follow-up, but for now it’s the second best this year.

3: Witchbreed: Heretic rapture

I read about Witchbreed in some review and what caught my attention was the fact they had a girl doing vocals. We all know I am a sucker for that shit so I checked them out and found myself ending up with the third best album of 2009. Since I wrote the review the album’s grown on me even more, and today I realize I most prolly scored this recording a little too low. Shit happens. So, what the fuck is Witchbreed about then? Well, some ex-Moonspell member(s?) creating easy-listening metal with some of the best vocals in the business, courtesy of Ruby. Yep, can’t go wrong with that.

4: Katatonia: Night is the new day

Katatonia is melancholy, beauty and ugliness in one. The music is so well crafted, so full of emotion and passion, making Katatonia one of the finest bands out of Sweden at the moment. I was never a huge fan but I have always acknowledged their impossible-to-deny quality. I am a fan now though all thanx to “Night is the new day”. I need to seriously dive into their back catalogue coz this shit is fucken magnificent.

5: Madder Mortem: Eight ways

The weirdest album on the list? Abso-fucken-lutely. Madder Mortem mix it all up; pitchy vocals, excellent vocals, strange vocals, weird-as-fuck sections, full-on metal and pretty much all the music styles you can come up with. And the scary thing is – they manage to pull it off and create a lovely fucken stew of original’n‘impressive music. I didn’t expect this to be as good as it is, and I definitely didn’t expect it to end up on this list. And it’s a grower as well… Surprises are nice.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Slayer: World painted blood

Dear Slayer, I should have said this long ago… It’s time to hang it up, guys. You have nothing more to prove, you are already legends. Your attempts over the last decade and a half to create some frantic metal have been fruitless. Face it, you haven’t released anything worthwhile since “Seasons in the abyss”. That was 1990, dammit! Need we say more? Thing is, much like with Metallica we, the once-huge fans, expect and hope for remarkable albums even to this day, all rightfully based on past classic efforts. We are always let down though. Our hopes are too high. You could have avoided the honour of being on this list had Metallica only released another shit-sandwich this year. Fortunately for mankind, they didn’t. You will never be that awful, and that’s at least some comfort. Thanx for the memories. Goodbye.

Close but no anus:

Dark Funeral: Angelus exuro pro eternus
Necrophobic: Death to all
Sanctification: Black reign

1. The Project Hate MCMXCIX: The lustrate process

Statik Majik (99.9% In Fucken Charge):

I could go on forever and ever praising this band, but I’ll try to keep it short. Lemme just say that Lord K and the gang ALWAYS provide their 110%. Before I even heard a single tone from this album I knew it would be number one, the main turd, the hair on yer balls aka Teh Penis of 2009. Lord K is a fucken genius and this album proves it. Again! 7 songs, about one hour of full perfection. And it’s definitely not meant for background music. Yeah, you got it; TPH isn’t about some easy-listening experience, not even close. It requires multiple listens to fully appreciate the power and the level of intenseness that’s present on “The Lustrate Process”. Listening to songs clocking in closer to 8-10 minutes with loads of stuff happening in ‘em is an experience worth every second.

2: Hypocrisy: A taste of extreme divinity

Peter Tägtgren. Another fucken genius from the land of porn, blondes and irritatingly catchy pop music. Not to forget the best goddamned death metal in the world. Sweden rules. And so does Hypocrisy. Even at their worst (“Catch 22” anyone?) they’re riding there with the best of ‘em. This release doesn’t pale in comparison to classics like “Abducted”, “Osculum Obscenum” or their self-titled one. Far from it. Meaning that it’s very close to the best Hypocrisy has to offer. And they even named one of the tracks after us, so OF-FUCKEN-COURSE Hypocrisy deserves as high a ranking as possible on this list.

3: Sanctification: Black reign

An album that’s a perfect mix of the early 1990’s Florida and Stockholm sounds combined with the modern day, blasting production. Can I have an “Hallelujah?!”… ehem, I mean “Shemhamforash!” and “Praise Satan!”. This is how I want my death metal! It’s always a pleasure to get your hands on an album where everything just “clicks”. “Black Reign” is the bastard child of Morbid Angel’s “Covenant” and Entombed’s “Clandestine” if you ask me.

4: W.A.S.P.: Babylon

After a few mediocre albums W.A.S.P. returns once again with a perfect hard rock disc. “Perfect” even by their own standards, I might add. I’ve followed their career devoutly since their legendary 1984 release “Winged Assassins” (later to be named plainly “W.A.S.P.”) and have now purchased each and every album they released during their career. Some of ‘em have been excellent, some not so much. Either way, Blackie Lawless is always a pleasure to listen to. I don’t always agree with his political rantings but his opinions aside, he is and always has been one of the most talented musicians/entertainers in rock business. And “Babylon” proves that the fire he had composing “I wanna be somebody” still burns inside him.

5: Scar Symmetry: Dark matter dimension

After the nearly perfect “Pitch Black Progress” Scar Symmetry released the not so perfect “Holographic Universe”, just to come up with the less pleasant news of the departure of vocalist Christian Älvestam, whose vocal skills were the main attraction for me in this band. I haven’t heard many singers who can both growl and perform high, clean vocals, yet sound “convincing”. King Diamond maybe, but that’s another story and genre. So I decided to “fuck it” and just stick to “Pitch Black Progress” instead. Well, they didn’t found a perfect replacement for Christian but brought two singers to the band instead. Mighty fucking good singers too, I might add. One for the growls, one for the clean vox. Smart move, cos at some points one could almost believe it’s still Christian doing the stuff. Yes, despite of my prejudice I did buy the album just to notice it wasn’t just the vocalists who felt they had something to prove, obviously the band felt the same as well because this album fucken rocks! As much as “Pitch Black Progress” even and that’s a huge compliment. So all in all, I’m more than happy that I did give this album a shot. Just to have it on this list tells something about it, right?

Major disappointment of 2009:

Marilyn Manson’s “High end of low”. It ain’t bad, especially when comparing to 2007’s very weak release “Eat me, drink me”. But let’s face it, Manson and the gang have released plenty of killer albums and now that they obviously have their shit together I could at least hope for something closer to “Antichrist Superstar” or “Holy Wood”. Well, maybe next time.

Honorable mentions:

Pestilence: Resurrection macabre
Obituary: Darkest day

Two old-schoolers did release killer albums this year and I always have a warm spot for both of ‘em. But top 5 is top 5, not top 7. And as you can see, the top 5 happens to be fucken dynamite – as in very, very hard to top. So I just wanna give two thumbs up to this duo of 2009-released discs.

1. Code: Resplendent grotesque

Kampfar (writer and somewhat in charge):

“Resplendent grotesque” is a brilliant album from start to finish, at least I think so whenever I find myself in the mood for black metal with a moody twist. Quite often, that is. Moody might not be the perfect word to describe their particular twist, please forgive me, but this platter anyhow doesn’t belong amongst the blackest of the black. At times it rips and shreds but every as often it mellows down into pure, dark melancholy. I love it.

2: YOB: The great cessation

The same day I learned these guys had reformed I found their latest available for stealing. And steal it I did. I haven’t yet bought it, shame on me, but this is anyhow the best doom release I heard all year. Still desperate, still crushing, still fucking ace.

3: Gnaw Their Tongues: All the dread magnificence of perversity

Creating horrid noises is easy, nails + a blackboard gets the job done, and so does stepping on cats. I would never do such a thing, cruelty against animals is really rather depressing, but I could do so if I was a total prick and thus wanted to. What I could never do, however, is what the sick individual behind Gnaw Their Tongues has done plenty of times already. Mending and bending noises into a coherent stream of droning abhorrence, that is. Horrendously excellent, yet again.

4: Trepalium: XIII

The French metal-scene is still going strong, stronger than ever perhaps, and the same rings true when speaking Trepalium. I didn’t think that highly of “XIII” at first – in fact I thought of it as a bit boring compared to the flamboyant and fucked up ride known as “Alchemik clockwork of disorder” – but repeated listens obviously changed my mind quite a bit. It isn’t boring, it sounds great, and executed by a bunch of excellent musicians it also is. Which is why I recommend “XIII” to all those into groovy death.

5: Napalm Death: Time waits for no slave

The grinders from Birmingham is not about to change their approach anytime soon. But – even though they aren’t doing anything new, perhaps never again – they still manage to sound fresh and rejuvenated with their every release. A neat trick this, and one they have managed to pull off ever since the brilliance known as “Enemies of the music business”. Grind on, ye bastards!

1. The Project Hate MCMXCIX: The lustrate process

Trauma (writer and mistress of trolls):

Without this band I’d probably never be here at this site. So don’t send your complaints my way. I thought “In Hora…” was a fine album, and this one just surpassed it and all their previous records with one giant leap. I feel I exhausted my thoughts in the TPH forum with an absurdly long “review”, but let me add some more (read: rehash) anyways. I love the techno break in the first track. “Our wrath will fall down from the sky” has one of the best riffs on the album, “The locust principles” takes the cake as the best track, Joergen fucken growls like a madman yet again, Jonna sounds spectacular, and I really like the sound of the toms. The rest of the drums could sound like they were played on Tupperware as long as the toms sound like they do. Don’t fucken as me why, I just LIKE them. In short: awesome guests, awesome tunes, awesome album. PEEEEEENIS.

2. Alice in Chains: Black gives way to blue

Two of my favorite bands had albums released this year that didn’t suck. That’s amazing. Now I just need a good blowjob and if I die this year I won’t much care. It grew on me very quickly from a comeback that I was not too confident in, to a comeback that I was quite proud to say that I really think is great. William Duvall will yet make a fantastic new frontman/guitarist for the band should he become just that, and Jerry can still write the tunes. If it wasn’t for TPH, this would be my number one.

3. Trepalium: XIII

Thanks to Kampfar I found out about this band and their album “Alchemik clockwork of disorder” and immediately was hooked. Then they released this album and I like it so much it’s in my top list of this year. An impressive release. It fares really well when compared to their previous, containing far catchier riff-work making for a whole sit-through of the album a really pleasant experience.

4. My Own Grave: Necrology

All you gotta do is read my review. A nice, refreshingly enjoyable death metal album. You’d be doing yourself a favor to listen to and love this album. You’ve got top notch vocals and a pretty relentless attack during it’s duration. The songs to me are pretty much unskippable, so buy the bitch, or something. Listen to it, motherfuckers!

5. Mustasch: Mustasch

I’m fucken hooked and I don’t really know why. This guys voice somehow just works, and the de-tuned riffs really add to the heaviness of the album. It’s like the ABC’s on how to make some catchy hard rock after it pretty much went out of style, which is something what these guys are doing this music with. I originally held this spot for Expulsion, but found that I’m listening to this album far more.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Immortal: All shall fall

I expected this to be so much better than it was. It really bummed me because I’ve liked most of the later Immortal material, especially “Sons…”. If only. Hopefully in time people realize that this album isn’t all they think it’s cracked up to be. Or maybe I’m just that far out of the loop when it comes to their music that I don’t “get it”. Either way, I was very disappointed when I heard the album because I just expected more.

Honorable mentions:

Expulsion: Wasteworld
Napalm Death: Time waits for no slave
Vomitory: Carnage euphoria

1. Agoraphobic Nosebleed: Agorapocalypse

Khlysty (writer and hater of pussy):

Surprise, surprise! Even though I prefer the slow-and-low of metal, this record is for me the best thing that happened in 2009 and, most probably, the best thing that ANb has to offer us so far. See, the boys and gal decided that the best thing to do after the OTT “Altered States of America” (100 “songs” in 20 minutes, crammed into a mini-CD) is to change things a little. So, by slowing down the bpm factor, writing longer songs and, instead of doing the “three detuned chords played in nuclear-strength-velocity” trick, paying attention to composition, detail and hooks, ANb gives us a 13-plus-one-hidden tracks masterpiece of grindcore dementia.

Of course, the known ingredients (the multiple-vocal attack, the lyrics that are guaranteed to offend anyone living, the “surreal” –for lack of a better word- humor, the Bren-gun chattering of the drum machine, the great artwork, the hilarious song-titles) are still proudly present. But, this time around, everything seems more, y’ know, “whole”, more complete, more “here and now” psychotic. Scott Hull’s riffing is discernible, the songs are songs and not just mere sonic ejaculations of inarticulate blind hatred. The wild card, Kat’s vocals are prime screaming of the best kind and everything seems bigger, nastier, better. Euthanatos’ review does justice to the whole affair and, so, there isn’t much left for me to say, than that it kills and you should have it…

2. Moss: Tombs of the blind drugged

My main misanthrope, Kampfar, gave these guys an excellent review, so go read it and fuck off my back. Funereal doom as it should be: ugly, hateful, heavier than gravity, stone-crazy and more angular than thorns. Listen and die!

3. Deathspell Omega: Veritas diaboli manet in aeternum (chaining the Katechon)

A 20-minute E.P. packing more ideas, more venom, more acidity than a gazillion trad black metal records can ever dream of. The French philosophically inclined Satanist commune returns with something that burns, screams, writhes and slashes in ways that I don’t think that lots of people can easily handle, much less appreciate. Fuck them. This is so good that after really absorbing it –music, lyrics, artwork- you’ll be changed in ways that you wouldn’t believe existed.

4. Cobalt: Gin

Experimental black metal as transcendental experience. Incredibly thick in ideas, incredibly nasty in execution. Only people who have passed the sundance rite, drunk the bitterest of drugs, seen the most horrifying of visions and scarred themselves –inside and out- can come up with such majestically fucked-up music. To call it black metal is to try and redeem it. This is music as rite of cleansing and then some.

5. Shrinebuilder: Shrinebuilder

An unholy marriage of four “Illuminati” (Scott Kelly, Scott “Wino” Weinrich, Al Cisneros and Dale Crover) of the “heavy”, Shrinebuilder is a bona fide supergroup and a joy for sore ears. Combining each member’s m.o. and influences, the whole is much greater than its parts, without ever moving towards “look-ma-how-cool-I-am”, masturbatory territories. Also, the record’s obvious fun and laid-back ambience makes the music a real pleasure to listen to. Post-apocalyptic-psychedelic-sludgy-stoner-doom? Nah, just great music by great musicians.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Immortal: All shall fall

Kthulhu knows that I’m an Immortal fanboy, through and through. But this is, to these ears, at least, pretty tepid and by-the-numbers, so no cookie for the war-painted ones this year…

Almost made it:

Isis: Wavering radiant (pretty heavy for a post rock record)

Sunn0))): Monoliths and dimensions (seems that I’m the only one here in GD who likes them boys and their drone-y ways)

Khanate: Clean hands go foul (even though not on par with their psychotic excellence of the past, still a good record)

1. Devin Townsend Project: Addicted

GardensTale (writer and eater of snot):

Devin’s just one of those musicians where you need to go into each and every album with a completely blank slate on your expectations. I mean, there was SYL’s “The New Black”, followed by “Ziltoid” which was completely different, then “Ki” which… Yeah, you get my point. And lo and behold, “Addiction” is another complete turnaround. And yet, it’s another great album. In fact, it’s a big improvement over “Ki” even though I loved that as well (it’s only not on this list because I felt kinda irky about one artist twice on the list) and I’d actually not hesitate to call it one of the most new and original things in modern metal. It’s very dense and detailed metal, but with all the accessibility and ‘good time’ feeling of pop. Yes, pop. In the non-stop depressed world of metal, this is an incredible fresh breath and straight away the ultimate execution of the idea. You may refer to my full review as to why something poppy took my #1 spot for 2009.

2. Týr: By the light of the northern star

I’d always managed to somehow miss these guys with each new release. After the review of their latest piece on here, I decided to make a change about that, and what followed was three weeks of me shouting: “I WILL DECIMATE, AND DECAPITATE!” It’s amazing how well Týr can convey the whole rape pillage slaughter and battle thing without being truly overly aggressive, like Amon Amarth or other Viking buddies. Not saying Viking metal, I don’t like the moniker, but they’re fucking Vikings all the same. “By the light…” scores entirely on perfectly executed charm and bloodthirsty charisma. Honor, blood and mead at the feast under the northern star!

3. Guilt Machine: On this perfect day

Taking me by surprise, this little symphonic gem kept my attention tied for far longer than I initially expected. It’s not heavy, it’s not groovy, but it’s completely engaging in its epic and progressive grandness. Intelligent lyrics (perhaps with the exception of “Over”) and phone calls from all over the world make the whole feel like a worldwide confession on guilt, life, and death. It’s like reading comics. Sometimes you just want to see things get smashed and really fucking angry people throwing cars around. That’s what Hulk or Hellboy is for. But then you feel like you need to get into something deeper, something that touches you beyond the skin. That’s when you read Watchmen. And that’s when you listen to Guilt Machine.

4. Diablo Swing Orchestra: Sing along songs for the damned & delirious

There’s a spot in the human mind that finds dark and threatening things wonderful and hilarious. I think Diablo Swing Orchestra got their inspiration from there with their latest album. The first one was good, but missed the consistency in quality that this record manages to provide. When I play this, I see circuses where demons frolick on Russian polkas, I see gentlemen in high hats smiling slightly too wide, I see an opera where murder and sodomy go hand in hand behind the scenes, sometimes peeping into the show. It’s wild. It does evil things because it enjoys evil. And it is flamboyant in every single aspect of its being. Mr. Dark has the soundtrack to his carnival.

5. Black Pyramid: Black pyramid

Colon stompings are said to be painful. Strange, then, that it’s not pain I feel when Black Pyramid stomp my colon beyond recognition. Stoner metal is something where you pretty much know what to expect, and Black Pyramid is no exception, but they do it with so much charm and groove, in addition to their perfect feeling of riffs that vary between steam-powered bulldozer and psychedelic mind warps, it’s like Black Sabbath got a complete make-over and lessons on how to stomp more colons. There’s really just one correct word combination for this release, and though I’ve said it before, I feel it needs the emphasis. Colon stomping.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Clutch: Strange cousins from the west

I guess the small decline in quality with “From Beale Street to oblivion” was a sign of things to come; I’d just hoped it wasn’t. I love nearly all of Clutch’s varied body of work; the first and now the last two albums are the only three exceptions. “Strange cousins” just wasn’t engaging, it didn’t groove nicely, the whole thing just breathed ‘tired’ for me, where “Robot hive/exodus” still breathed the fresh power of a band that after 40 years in the desert had established their perfect sound. Clutch themselves say they’re heading more towards blues, but it sounds to me like they’re just heading towards early retirement. Maybe they’ll still be able to pull a turnaround à la Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon. I won’t hold my breath.

1. Pantheon I: Worlds I Create

CadenZ (writer and choirboy):

As fine a black metal album as has been released in many a year, Worlds I Create is a harsh and grim, yet haunting and beautiful piece of dark art. A perfect blend of harmony and disharmony. The fact that it’s top dog in an album-wise extremely good year (when the likes of Marduk, Katatonia and Swallow the Sun are left out of the top 5, you know the annual harvest has been good) gives you some kind of hint of its class. And in case you didn’t get it/you’re a moron, it’s fucken top-notch.

2: Lost Soul: Immerse in Infinity

Right at the end of the year, this monster of a record enters the scene. These Polish bad-asses sure know how to execute their technical death metal. Fantastic musicianship is coupled with a keen sense of subtle changes in the atmospheric nuances. Seems like a big chunk of death metal’s future lies in the land that gave us Copernicus, Chopin and Vader. And two bands on this list.

3: Behemoth: Evangelion

“Evangelion” pulverizes everything else they’ve done, and that’s saying a lot. “Of Fire and the Void” is an instant classic and belongs without a shadow of a doubt on the “best death metal songs of all-time list”, and the rest of the songs uphold an impressive high standard. When listening to this masterpiece there’s nothing you can do but relinquish yourself to the merciless flood of beastly riffs and blastbeats coming at you from all directions – you are simply consumed alive by the divinity of Behemoth’s onslaught!

4: Dååth: The Concealers

Who would’ve thought that expertly executed melodeath, thrash, blastbeats, proggy elements and even some stompy riffs could be arranged into this delicious a soup of extreme catchiness? Well, not me – but I’m glad “The Concealers” exists, ‘cause listening to this riff- and solofest is a pure and utter pleasure.

5: Shining: VI – Klagopsalmer

Kvarforth proves that misanthropy doesn’t have to be overtly minimalistic or possess a production where guitars sound like crooning geese and kick drums like rats’ claws clicking against a cavern floor. Well-written, well-produced and well-performed hate. Me like.

Major disappointment of 2009:

The tiredness of the old guard.

Both Slayer, Immortal and Megadeth released OK albums, but with their back-catalogue, more is warranted. A 6 out of 10 record isn’t good enough, not when it’s done by King/Hanneman, Mustaine or Abbath/Demonaz. Maybe retirement would be the right way to go after all, or is their hope in the horizon? I’m guessing no – pack your bags, your time has passed. Don’t spoil your legacy by mediocre and drawn-out swansongs.

1. Propagandhi: Supporting caste

Habakuk (writer and investigator of the male crotch):

The album that shits on its entire genre. I forewarned the metal scene in my review a while ago, but they didn’t listen. And here I am, further praising this post-punkish, almost progressive-sounding, melodic yet heavy, catchy yet intelligent and greatly produced album by a band that for a second might sound more like modern day Green Day than anything metal. However, given a few more seconds, “Supporting caste” reveals awesome tunes that should be checked out by anyone with a remote interest in the faster side of rock music with a slight metal tinge. I can’t recall enjoying any other punk album as much as this since my old “The Offspring” days. Victory. Also includes the song of the year, “Dear Coach’s Corner”.

2: Wormrot: Abuse

The album that flew the grind flag high in 2009. Inherits my personal “Best Grind Album” trophy of 2008 from Insect Warfare’s “World extermination”. Short, dirty, crusty, fast, nasty, simple, in your face and armed with an icepick. The way grind should be done.

3: Ahab: The divinity of oceans

The album that took me a while to appreciate. At first the unexpected additional clean chants that hadn’t been present on the debut put me off, but sitting on a boat somewhere in the pacific, gently rolling through the waves made me “get it”. The description will sound a bit cheesy, but these guys indeed paint an aural picture of the sea in all its facets, from soothing and calm to monumental and crushing. If you’re interested in Funeral Doom and haven’t heard this, you’re definitely missing out. I wasn’t expecting much different after the awesome first album, but they managed to significantly evolve their sound and take a step further while still staying undeniably Ahab.

4: Karl Sanders: Saurian exorcisms

The album that does exactly what it’s supposed to do. I haven’t heard the new Nile, but Karl Sanders’ second solo output again focussing entirely on the oriental, acoustic side of the main band makes up for that. Hypnotic, swirling guitar work, great percussion arrangements and a dark and sombre tone is what could be expected after the debut and what has been delivered again, this time even a bit more gloomy than before. Stunningly awesome music. Keep the frantic blast beats for all I care, this embodies the best parts of what makes Nile unique.

5: Mastodon: Crack the skye

The album that I should have listened to more. After the very, very disappointing “Blood mountain”, 2009 brought this return to form for Mastodon. Return to form, mind you, not return to the same style they played on “Leviathan”. Nowhere near as heavy as that one, this album concentrates on piling layers and layers of awesomeness on top of each other. The main difference to the direct predecessor is that the guys had the right feel for the overall sound, and left out all the annoying and superfluous “progressive” additions. “Crack the Skye” sure sounds “progressive”, but the major difference is the sense of cohesion that becomes obvious in the delivery, and there’s still a lot to discover during multiple listens. Everything fits. Big plus: A lot of work has gone into improving the clean vocals, which had been a weak point earlier. Not so anymore. This looks like the final departure of the “heavy” Mastodon, but if they continue producing music as inspired as on “Crack the Skye”, I’ll be the last one to complain.

Disappointment of the year:

Clutch: Strange cousins from the west

Not even seeing them live helped me appreciate the new songs. Simple explanation: They sound too thin, too slow, too boring. Not bad, but far from good, and that’s a lot less than I’d expect from the band with a back catalog like Clutch. I haven’t listened to this for months, and I remember enough to safely assume it’s not going to happen anytime soon either. Yawn.

Almost on the list:

Leeches Of Lore: Leeches of lore
Wardruna: Runaljod – Gap var ginnunga

1. Mastodon: Crack the skye

The Duff (writer and part-time princess):

“Crack the skye”, although even more progressive than their latest past outing, is far more measured in such a field and as with “Leviathan” before it, although suffering from some minor incoherence from the brief openers to the true majesty of the album (i.e. the rest of it), a perfect delivery from the band; with such an evolutionary leap (witnessed already from “Remission” to “Leviathan”), we’re once more at one of the finest metal albums of the last thirty years.

2: Ulcerate: Everything is fire

At first a disappointment over their debut as it was more cohesive an album, in the end the dark nature of the music revealed nothing short of an absolute gem, something on par with the most classic of discs from the band’s influences such as Immolation, Neurosis and Deathspell Omega – to merge such into a tech death record, writing some of the most fluid, swirling and foreboding sections of the metal genre is what will leave “Everything is Fire” an indelible mark on the scene for years to come as with the greatest.

3: Blut Aus Nord: Dialogue with the stars

My choice for finest black metal release was a tough one indeed, but I had to restrict myself to full-lengths for my own mental well-being in excluding Deathspell Omega. That said, Blut Aus Nord I think marginally trumps it due to the gloriousness of the music, the eeriness of “Work Which Transforms God” mixed with prog, moments at times exceeding the beauty expressed by some of the finest bands of the 70s.

4: Steven Wilson: Insurgentes

Two years ago it was Porcupine Tree that nestled into my top five; unfortunately this year’s release, “The Incident” fails to match the scope and variation of the band’s frontman’s solo effort, a truer definition of progressive rock/metal. The breathtaking grandness of bands like Sigur Ros mixed with Sabbath, spacious prog and eerie atmospherics make this what I doubt would have been a risk releasing under the Porcupine Tree moniker but rather an outstandingly bold development on the band’s part.

5: Gorod: Process of a new decline

A toss-up between Anaal Nathrakh and Gorod, my allegiance to sub-genres is evident. These French techsters have always been a gifted outfit, but never before have they smoothed everything over so nicely; layers are always a mighty fine idea and an easy route to tickling my bell-end, so whereas before leads were more flashy and secondary to the meaty riffing, now we get to the goods a la Anata and such, just the ways I likes it.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Nile: Those whom the gods detest

Devin’s “Ki” and “Addicted” could have made it if they weren’t so complementary to each other, so Nile is my next choice, everything up until “Those Whom the Gods Detest” having been absolutely essential to my palate. My gripes as mentioned from the November 2009 Audio Autopsy remain, and I’ve made the effort to let this one sink in since; a good album, fantastic production, but I’ve given up on the likelihood of being enthralled when it comes to George’s drumming and every second riff seems a recycled idea, it’s clear that two years writing an album this late into your career as a technical death metal band is rushing it no matter how impeccable your discography.

1. Funeral Mist: Maranatha

theProphet (writer and prophet of man-juice):

This is how you write awesome goddamned (because if you can get away with this, the fear of God is not to be taken seriously) black metal! You throw out all the faggoty accessories such as bullshit plastic armor with a pentagram on the chest and corpsepaint that totally looks like an EVIL SKULL, and focus on what’s important; crafting moody, suggestive music that makes promises of utmost depravity if you dare to wholly commit yourself to it. Funeral Mist does not rely on playing incredibly fast, and indeed, the band (or guy, Funeral Mist is all about its mastermind Arioch/Mortuus) sounds its best on the slower tracks, where the many layers in the music becomes the most apparent. Fuck the faux devil worshipping used by many bands of today to convey an image of evil, because this is what evil really sounds like.

2: Kylesa: Static Tensions

I’ve seen this band mentioned a couple of times over the years but my first encounter with their music was a month ago, when this fine orchestra opened for Clutch here in Malmö. I was pretty much blown away by the entire show but one song in particular caught my attention, “Running Red”. Seeing it was from their latest album, I decided to further investigate and found to my great enjoyment a quite simply awesome musical effort. On “Static Tensions”, Kylesa churns out an eclectic maelstrom of riffs, with influences ranging from stoner and doom metal to hardcore.

3: Marduk: Wormwood

So by this point it should be pretty obvious who gets to put his sin-flesh in my mouth. I’m not saying that Mortuus appearance made Marduk good, I’m saying that it propelled them from being a high-quality black metal band to being one of the bands in the Swedish supreme trinity of black metal bands, together with Watain and of course, Funeral Mist. This album also gets some pretty high irony points for containing the “ROCKINGEST SONG THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HEADBANG AGAIN”. The winner? Why, “Symphony of Cracked Necks” of course.

4: Nile: Those Whom the Gods Detest

Their inner circle of fanboys might be utter retards, what with their beguiled, perpetual fellation of Nile’s ithyphallic, but don’t forget that the band themselves have been known to exhibit clearly douchy tendencies. Yet you gotta hand it to them, because this time around they actually made a pretty damn awesome album. It’s no “Annihilation of the Wicked”, sure, but it’s safe to say that it’s a step of gargantuan proportions from the last measly effort that was “Ithyphallic”. “TWtGD” induces visions of the angry dead clawing their way to the sun-baked surface of ancient desert lands, wreaking the vengeance of the damned upon the hapless mortals.

5: Wormrot: Abuse

A motherfucking solid grind platter this is, opening with possibly the most awesome sampled recording I’ve yet to encounter in metal it quickly descends into ferocious pandemonium of blasting blasts and buzzing riffs. A very pleasant new acquaintance for me, and Singapore can now show off two great metal bands. Seriously, book these guys as the opening act for Impiety, and you have ONE HELL of a show.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Too many to mention

Judging from the bands that released new albums in 2009, this should be an immensely hard best of-list to pick out. However, some of my absolute fave bands totally fell through on meeting my expectations this year with some pretty sub-par releases. Bands such as Totalt Jävla Mörker, Job For a Cowboy, Vader, Rammstein, Behemoth, Gorgoroth and The Project Hate, just to name a few, managed to fuck up their legacies to varying degrees, from mega-fail to okay-not-good-enough. It was nice that you tried guys, next time do it way better!

Honorable Mentions:

Clutch: Strange cousins from the west
Converge: Axe to fall

1. Behemoth: Evangelion

Euthanatos (writer and subscriber of cum):

What could I possible say that I haven’t already? I climbed the mountain with my mighty staff, I filled my lungs with breath, inspite all sand and dust, and I yelled at the four winds, to all those who would listen: All Hail Behemoth, grandest of the grand, most eloquent and ferocious warriors to come from Polish land! “Evangelion” is the crowning achievement, the masterpiece of epic glory, the cherry at the top of the cake. Death/black/pompous/barbaric/blasphemic metal of the best kind, nothing this year tops Nergal and his acolytes.

2: The Project Hate MCMXCIX: The lustrate process

The moment I had been waiting for ever since I came across “Cybersonic Superchrist”. The day when Lord K, our beloved ruler, spanker of bottoms, lasher of foul words, would overcome even himself, dive deep into the abyss of creativity and come forth holding the holy grail of satanic death metal with techno beats. Everything in “The Lustrate Process” screams perfection, from the performances of the band and multiple guests, to the sparkling production. An epic for the ages, the definite moment in the hateful discography.

3: Týr: By the light of the northern star

If you want to make me all gay and creamy inside, give me a good slab of viking metal. Viking metal from the Faroes? Fuck me, you might as well give me a vagina, ‘cos I’m all wet. I had always enjoyed Týr, their pagan/chanting battle metal hit just the right notes, but with their latest offering, everything and then some came together. The riffs are just right, the vocals are straight out of a battlefield and the production is top-notch. Does’t get any better than this. No, sir.

4: Mumakil: Behold the failure

I love it when a band come out of nowhere and surprises me in such a positive manner, I’m compelled to buy their shit immediately. Switzerland, of all places, did me a solid this year, presenting me with grindcore newcomers Mumakil. This is only their sophomore, but it’s pretty much everything I could possible dream of wanting from a grindcore album. It’s violent, brutally fast, but cohesive and comprehensible in a way only the best musicians can deliver. Like Pig Destroyer, these guys have taken aggressiveness into a whole new realm of horrific beauty. I expect great things from these fuckers.

5: Baroness: Blue record

I expected a good album from these Southern crazies, since the previous one was already pretty neat. I didn’t expect them to come all guns blazing and destroy my ass with this blend of insanely heavy post-metal, southern sludge, Mastodonian rock. Trippy music with ballsy vocals, and the proggiest instrumental you’ll listen to that doesn’t turn boring or self-absorbed. True, very close to, as you could have guessed by the description, Atlanta-based Mastodon (whose “Crack the Skye” was also one of the better offerings of the year), but Baroness have certainly come into their own, making their own mark on music and taking metal somewhere far beyond. No Blind Guardian reference intended.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Slayer: World painted blood

Not a terrible album, but far akin to the greatness that is Slayer. Slayer is supposed to lead the pack, deliver the killing blow to all that is unworthy, Slayer is god in the thrash metal world. Yet, I feel helpless and wanting after listening to “World Painted Blood”. Two or three killers tracks, the rest are just fillers and some hideous experimentation. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll take “Christ Illusion” over this any day.

So close, yet so far:

Cobalt: Gin
Swallow the Sun: New moon
Ahab: The divinity of oceans

1. Megadeth: Endgame

HailandKill (writer and David Hasselhoff’s chesthair’s better half):

Dave, we love ya, even if bad luck (and bad press—heard of that tiff with a European girl journo half his age?) seems to come your way on a regular basis. Get this: “Endgame” is a total smash marking Megadeth’s long overdue return to form with a brilliant new lineup of slaves, er, bandmates, then ollafa sudden their record label no longer pushes the album. Apparently, being old school isn’t so nice cos you get screwed over more often than newer bands who are too naive to navigate their way through the treacherous music biz. With that said, is anyone excited about Overkill’s “Ironbound”?

2: Tenet: Sovereign

Wow, Strapping Young Lad plus Exodus! Total hemorrhoids inducing metal. HailandKill loved it. What he didn’t love were the hemorrhoids he endured mid-year (actually caused by unhealthy meat intake) and had to medicate with frequent enemas, hot water baths, a vegetable diet, and careful observations of his stool. It was a painful (lustrate) process. He now thanks the Lawd Gahd it’s over and his bunghole is back to normal. Heck, he thinks he can even hear it laughing while he craps. What’s that? Oh yeah, “Sovereign”. If it weren’t for Tenet’s debut, HailandKill would have become a nervous wreck while curing his anus. Thanks guys.

3: Lamb of God: Wrath

Being totally honest here, HailandKill expected these rednecks to drop a fartbomb of an album. Lo and behold it actually slays him seven different ways, from the menacing “In Your Words” to the bare knuckle “Contractor” and the stomping finisher “Reclamation.” Jesus, what an unholy muthah of a, what? Fifth album? HailandKill is grateful to Lamb of God for ruling the earth and just rolling with the punches despite what the detractors say.

4: Rammstein: Liebe ist für alle da

HailandKill, disgusting perv that he is, jacked off to “Pussy”. Ugh. Trust him, you don’t wanna know any more details.

5: Scar Symmetry: Dark matter dimensions

The awful truth is only about half the songs on this album are good compared with the sheer awesome proportions of their masterful “Pitch Black Progress”. But still, HailandKill is such a fanboy of Scar Symmetry he goes homosexual on anything they touch. Even better, on this delicious milkshake of a melo-death release, the two replacement singers for estranged frontman Christian Älvestam really fill their own shoes. A superb job throughout. Wunnerful. Wunnerful.

Major disappointment of 2009:

Shadows Fall: Retribution

What [tha fuck] happened???

Honorable Mention:

The mighty Immortal’s comeback “All Shall Fall”. Fuck yeah, THIS is how black metal should sound. Bursting with frozen testicles, icy frog croaks, and wintry breaking of winds, the album’s a terrifying return by Norway’s fabled Blashyrkh warriors. A bit short though.

1. Wolf: Ravenous

Baalzamon666 (writer and licker of sweaty balls):

Bestial shapes hunt in the night, howling at the moon with ravenous hunger and insatiable lust for blood… to the sound of some badass heavy-fucken-metal! The brilliant Swedes have put out yet another excellent effort that bridges the best influences of the classics with the impetus of the new. “Ravenous” has been the most entertaining listen for me this year on a gut level, a perfect album for the moments of raw enjoyment of the thrills of metal in its purest form. So get all your guns ready to blaze, say no prayers for those about to die, howl up to the evil stars and get ready to bite some throats till the blood flows in yer mouth, ‘cause the age of the Wolf has arrived!

2: Mastodon: Crack the skye

There is no stopping this behemoth. There are no limits for Mastodon, my friends. They’re simply one of the very best bands of our time, and I’m grateful to have witnessed their astonishing progression from day one. On “Crack the Skye” they have raised the stakes yet again, tackling on prog armed with seemingly unlimited skills and their irreverent ways to make songs come alive. Their ethereal, phantasmagoric epics are written in that distinctive style of their own that makes them a wildly original and unique entity. Love them or hate them, these guys are simply geniuses of metal, have no doubts about it.

3: Alice in Chains: Black gives way to blue

Fuck me sideways, was this unexpected or what? My heroes of yesteryear, minus a presence larger than life, have returned in such a convincing manner I’m still surprised and will be for a while. The darkness lurking in these songs is as profound as it ever was. My first listen, I had the creeps right away. It truly seems they were never absent. The sinister vibe, the unease and the gloom are still strong. Layne can’t be replaced; his ghost will haunt us until the end of Alice in Chains, yet in William Duvall, Jerry and the guys have found somebody that has a menacing presence of his own. I’ll be eagerly anticipating the next chapter, the possibilities are endless!

4: My Dying Bride: For lies I sire

The masters of doom have returned, weaving their tales of shadow amidst the mournful crying of returning violin strings. “For Lies I Sire” is yet another chapter of woe and misery, full of dirges to love, death and despair. Epic and emotional to a fault, these Brits have been so consistently depressed for so fucken long that it must be must be some kind of record. My Dying Bride is still king of the valley of doom-death, despite the intense pressure from Swallow the Sun. They remain so by virtue of their incredible ability to write great songs that embody misery, songs that will replay themselves vividly in every painstaking, overwhelming detail, all in yer head, long after you’ve turned off the lights and all sounds have died.

5: Gorod: Process of a new decline

These insanely talented purveyors of the finest frog metal of technical death incarnate are quite fucken demented. As they try to dissect and pummel yer brain, they demonstrate their exquisite technique and flair, not to mention their dynamism and uncanny sense of the violent groove. The beret-wearing fuckers are trying hard to be crowned kings of the fancy, flashy tech death universe, and that’s fine by me, ‘cause they’re succeeding so far! The collection of over-the-top riffs and solos present in this baby are worth getting yer tech- cock out and rocking as hard as a firm of engineers with a boner for death-dealing machinery. Highly recommended stuff!

Major disappointment of 2009

Amoral: Show your colors

From the sublime heights of technical, ballsy trash-death, to the ridiculous lows of some lame power metal devoid of any cojones, Amoral here is a perfect example of how to fuck it up. This is a mistake of cold-lake proportions. Un-fucken-believable how sometimes musicians simply don’t have a clue about what to do with their talent. I scream sellout!

Close but not quite there:

Immortal: All shall fall
Swallow the Sun: New moon
Amorphis: Skyforger
Absu: Absu
Behemoth: Evangelion